On Writing

I've been going to the Burnet Woods Park recently. More and more, I'm finding that I prefer a pre-determined, controlled setting--thus, I go to the park, lets say, an hour and a half before sunset. Late, late afternoon, or like, 8:15. This afternoon the highlight was the inspiration of "joggers at dusk" and the "woman selling potted flowers on the street-corner."

Ideas of poems I've been working on: something that involves the washer/dryer machines in my building and the quarter cartridges of these machines (they remind me of Chucky Cheeses, but instead, I would allude to the sound they make--cha-ching-- like the the sound of putting a bullet in a six-shooter, and the circular rotation of the cartridge in a Russian-roulette-like manner. Or Springtime in the city, and the changes it brings-- more street-walkers, people selling flowers in-front of gas stations, pools opening up...etc.

I can't get this Eliot line out of my head... "April is the cruelllest month, breeding / Lilacs out of the dead..."

This quarter, I'm taking a "Forms of Poetry" class, and I feel that I need to face my fear of talking poetry with peers that probably know more about the subject than me. I don't hang out with other writers, although I probably should. Do writers hang out with one another? Anyway, when I'm put into a group, or in this case, a class of peers, who I can see are similar to me in their genuine love of writing and the writing process, I tend to say 'Fuck it and fuck writing.' Its strange. O.K., I consider myself a writer and I dont think that this is pretentious. I used to think that writers who thought of themselves as writers were going too far. Now, I think that if a writer wants to be a writer, then good luck to him. This is after reading Stephen King's On Writing, and Rilke's Letters To a Young Poet. Especially Rilke's small book of letters. Everyone writes. Diaries, journals, blogs, e-mails, letters, etc. But someone who wants to professionally be a writer is different. Of course, the motives of writers are different. For me, I simply enjoy the process of writing, and the variables of the writing process--smoking and writing, waking up from a dream and writing, remembering something and writing. To me, writing for a living seems as sensible as my sister becoming a corporate lawyer.

So, I want to stop thinking "fuck it," when I'm sitting in my 'forms of poetry' class. I want to stop reading 'only authors who are dead.' Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hang out with other writers. Instead, I want to be friends with family and (some) high-school friends. I want be a sidewalk-pedestrian, contemplating, observing--who finds the atmosphere of a 7-11 less intimidating than a classroom. I want to think of writing as an athlete thinks of muscle-memory. Well, I already do. But I feel that I think of writing sometimes as something that classifies and separates. Really, my true understanding of Art/Writing, and other professions, is not separate---all are the same, all hobbies/professions necessary to provide for your 'real life' of laziness and relaxation.

So, when in my 'forms of poetry' class, I'm going to try my hardest to include myself as someone interested in poetry.

Also, eventually, I'm going to write a children's book with my sister.